5 DAYS AND COUNTING
So I've been trying not to freak out regarding our impending journey. Over the past month I've gotten tons of optimistic comments and advice, solicited and unsolicited- You'll have so much fun!!... oh and it'll be so good for the girls...- And while I appreciate the positivity and know the proper thing to say to me when you can clearly see my uneasiness probably isn't “THAT SUCKS!”, that’s how I feel. But there has been one thing, one comment that has calmed me down. I think my mom said it to me about a month ago… Just think of it as an extended vacation… and that’s worked. It’s worked because it has nothing to do w/ the logical reasons why I should be excited. It simply tricks me into thinking of it as something else. Cause logically I’m there. My mind knows that it’ll be a great experience, I mean how many people get to experience a different culture and really see how other people live in their lifetimes. My mind knows it’ll be great for the girls. My mind knows how cool it’ll be to speak Japanese, particularly for a black girl from the hood. My mind knows I’ll look back on my life and appreciate this… But my heart is a little less insightful. My heart is spending it’s time reminding me of how much I’ll miss seeing my friends and family. It’s telling me that my nieces that love me will miss me and be okay while I’m gone, but the ones that love me and need me may not be so okay. It’s telling me that my new baby nephew won’t know me from a can of paint and certainly won’t like me as much when he sees me again. It’s telling me that my friends will move forward with their lives and I’ll no longer be in the loop… they’ll still love me of course but I won’t be called when they’re sad or need advice and overall I just won’t be as important to them. Obviously my heart didn’t get the memo about what is and isn’t the proper thing to say to me right now. So there you have it. I’m freaking. So much so that the very people that I’m afraid of missing so much are here and I’m walking around in a bubble, completely ignoring them like they don’t exist… sorry about that mom, and dad, and Bri.
Monday, September 29, 2008
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3 comments:
Don't apologize...I couldn't imagine being in your shoes but I know that you will make the best of it because that is what you always do. And when you get back, who knows, maybe I'll move in again so we can be roomies all over! :)
You will definitely not be "not as important" to us. I know you will still get those calls. They will just be at odd hours and by way of skipe :).
@bri- thanks for having confidence in me.
@morgan- no hour is off limits to you guys.
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