ENVY

"Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has."

I'm not a fan of envy. It serves no purpose. It simply makes you forget how awesome you are and how the person you envy may really be unhappy and infact wish they were more like you... At least that's how I like to look at it :) .

I got over "wishing" I had what other people have loooong ago. Money- so what if I have to save up if I want something big, I'm happy and everyone who's rich can't say that. Perfect Teeth- so what I don't have them. Sure the little "baby teeth" next to my front teeth irk me to no end, but everyone I know says I have the best smile so they can't be all that bad. Boobs- so what mine are non-existent. I still... well, people say that.... well.... at least I get them for a while after I have children and since I plan on having two more I have something to look forward to- Take that!

Anyhow thanks to a healthy self perception envy is an emotion that I don't feel often. Until last night!!!

This is my friend Debbie and this is Vince Carter. And in order to understand why this picture makes me smile and shake my head, and be happy for her but want shove her down onto the pavement at the same time I have to give you a little backround.

I love Vince Carter. Now I don't love him in the groupie way or in the psycho-stalker way, or even in the obsessed fan way. I don't get like that over athletes because I used to be one. I don't even watch his games. But I love him because I love athleticism and competitors and anyone who can do what he can do just makes me... it makes me wish I was as good at what I did (which was the 400hurdles for those interested) as he is at what he does. Not very many people make me want to be better- I mean there are my parents, my husband, my kids, Barack Obama and Vince... Okay maybe that was an exaggeration but I just love him. And since I know I my explanation isn't clear, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words- here it is.

This is what did it.

I ran at the Olympic Trials in the year 2000. Obviously I didn't make the team and I didn't expect to make it. But what I did do was watch that Olympic Games more intently than ever before. And when I saw Vince Carter leave the ground and dunk over a Seven Foot Tall man... That was it! That sealed the deal! I mean even Gary Payton and Kevin Garnett are looking at the rim like they can't believe the ball is really about to go in. And he didn't just dunk over this man, he dunked OVER him! Here's a second look.

After that everyone who knew me, knew I LOVED me some Vince Carter. My family, my teammates, my friends, people I dated- everyone! A couple of my girls liked him too, Debbie included, and that didn't bother me cause it's not like any of us were ever gonna meet him. Anyway we always talked about him. Debbie and I even went as far as to cut out this ESPN add where he was sitting in a limo watching TV and frame it so it looked like it was an actual photograph that had been taken just like any other of our photographs. She had hers and I had mine and every now and then we would talk about Vince Carter and how fly he was.

Anyhow when I graduated in December of 2000 and moved away, "Vince" (the picture, that is) came with me. It had a special place on my entertainment unit with all of my other meaningful photos. And every time Debbie saw it during her many visits, she would roll her eyes at me and I would smile my winning smile.

One afternoon in Summer 2001 I got a phone call from my friend Gilbert who was planning to leave the UofA early and go to the league. He said he needed my address because he was gonna send me a special birthday present. I tried to get him to tell me what it was but he wouldn't even give me any hints. A few weeks later I get this package and I could not believe it. Gilbert, who had went to Toronto to practice with the Raptors, had sent me a practice shirt autographed by Vince Carter. My first phone call was to Gilbert, to thank him. My second call was to Debbie, to gloat :).

Nikkie- 1

Debbie- 0

Over the next few years Debbie moved to Chicago, became super successful and had the resources and flexibility to travel. Now this didn't pose a problem when it came to Vince until Vince went to the Nets. You see, Debbie is really good friends with another former UofA athlete who also plays for the Nets and if he leaves tickets for her at a game she can get there. For the past few years she's been threatening to meet Vince Carter but never did so I assumed it wouldn't happen. But the other day I was on facebook and saw that someone wrote on her wall that they would "introduce her to Vince after the game"... My heart jumped... I logged out and pretended I didn't see it.

Then yesterday afternoon I received a phonecall. It was Debbie. I knew what the news would be before she even told me. She sounded so excited. It was just after the game and she said she couldn't wait to call me- just like I couldn't wait to call her in 2001... damn karma.

Today, as promised, she changed her facebook profile picture and dedicated it to me. So here I am, as envious as can be. Am I happy for her? Yes. Do I wish I could've met him instead? YES! But that's how it goes. I guess I can decide to be an adult and print this picture of my happy friend and put it up with my other meaningful pictures.

Or I can print this one instead...

Sorry Deb- I can't help myself.